Well today is my 25th day not wearing makeup and last night… I broke my streak by rubbing tons of foundation and self tanning lotion all over my body. I told myself it wasn’t that bad because I wasn’t putting it on my face, but when I woke up I was so relieved it was just a dream. Gottcha ya.
For the past few days now I feel like I have gone back to the first week of this challenge and I feel myself picking and prodding at the skin on my face. I am now debating whether or not I should carry out this challenge for an extra week to make up for the week without any post. Not only did I fail to post some thoughts and photos from each day, but I have noticed myself taking more photos to find a decent one that I am pleased with. It could be that for the first half of this challenge I didn’t have to deal with many breakouts and now that my skin has undergone some weird rashes, peeling, and breakouts I am actually having to face this challenge head on.
When I began this journey I wanted to be completely honest throughout, but I feel I have failed to truly accept my flaws. I really did not want to pick at my skin and yet I mindlessly went to town on my face. I do not want this challenge to end and to end up resorting back to make up again to feel comfortable in my skin. I truly love my skin and I am sorry for abusing it.
Maybe this seems like a bit of a melodramatic post, but I am committed to overcoming these habitual thoughts and reactions I have when closely observing my pores.
A couple years ago I picked a pimple located in between my brows too the point of eventual scarring and the huge crater I had dug in my face made me feel miserable. I was so angry at myself for letting it go so far and I looked up different ways to fix it on the internet for weeks. I tried scrubbing it down and lightening it up with natural remedies, but nothing worked and it is still there. In fact that crater lead me to my first real wrinkle.
I have always been a person to scowl as I ponder, and to make matters worse I have always been someone to ponder since I was a child. It’s not like I am doing it intentionally, but it is just a part of who I am. These features we adapt are all apart of life and one day I will be nothing BUT a face of deepened lines.
The truth is that as we get older we only get better at being who we are and what we have tried to hid for so long inevitably engraves itself into our flesh for the world to see. So if you were someone to scowl often then surely the lines will speak for you between your brows; just as if you were one to smile often then the lines between your cheeks and lips will speak for you. It is not a bad thing whatsoever it’s just apart of becoming who you were always meant to be.
Sure it is easy to say these things, and I do believe them, but to live them day by day is the challenge I am trying to overcome. Just writing this makes me feel better now, but I want to push myself to really accept these changes in myself.
No matter how much make up I wear, or moisturizers I use, or how healthy I am, I will never been in control of the changes my body will undergo and that is what I need to let go of most. WE cannot control our image the way we wish too.
For many people they will go through extreme measures to try and maintain this control over their own bodies. They will cut themselves up to be skinnier, or to have bigger breast, or to have bigger eyes, or they will inject themselves with different serums to have bigger butts, bigger lips, or repeatedly inject their faces to try to hide the fact that life happens.
So what is making it so hard to realize that change is inevitable? Why is it so hard to let go of the control we all wish to have over our appearance? I’m not saying that we should all let ourselves go and not give a shit about our bodies, I’m just trying to state the point that no matter what efforts we make we cannot control the effects of time and we cannot control the natural cycle of life. Our bodies, especially those of woman, were made to change many times throughout a lifespan. So why do these changes become flaws, when in reality they are validations of our perfection?
More to come on this later. Please leave any thoughts, reflections, or reactions, if you wish to do so.