I am beginning to feel a bit burnt out on trying to post every single day. My goal now is to post every other day and keep myself and those following up to date.
On my 4th day of taking small steps towards releasing any inhibitions from bodily acceptance, I went to the swimming pool. TO be honest though I spent the entire day doing almost nothing but sitting on my ass and tidying up my apartment. At 6:40 I decided to get my ass to the pool and so I popped on some sweats and a hoodie and walked down to the aquatic centre. It’s so much easier to just go then to think about going and this really is the problem that limits me the most. I get stuck in my head and I build up the smallest events to be huge obstacles.
As soon as I was in the women’s change room I was bombarded with the sight of naked women of all ages, but mostly older woman who didn’t care less. I use to feel really uncomfortable in change rooms and I still do to an extent because I couldn’t find it in my to strip down in front of everyone and instead opted for a changing stall.
As I got to the pool though I let those thoughts go and I went into a sort of meditative mindset. Instead of thinking about the things and the people around me I let the noises fade into soft murmurs and it brought me back to when I was a girl swimming in competitions. I was never the greatest swimmer of all time, but I did excel at the breast stroke and it has always been my favourite stroke. I timed myself and how long it took me to get across the pool and each time it took me between 50-60 seconds. That’s double the amount of time it use to take me, but I thought it was pretty damn good for being so out of shape. I kept doing laps with hardly any resting periods besides to catch my breath. I tried doing some freestyle, and backstroke, there was no way in hell Id be doing the butterfly, so breaststroke it was. For just over half an hour I continued to do laps and though I should have done some cool down laps, when I hopped out of the pool to get a drink of water I got my first feeling of just how much I had exerted myself. I sat down on the bench and decided I was done for the day.
As I found my way back to the change rooms I ran straight into another naked lady with nothing on but some water sandals doing some very deep lunges completely blocking the hallway. I took a long shower and did some deep breathing and sure enough when I got out she was still there in a deep lunge. I must say for an older women she was definitely in much better shape than I.
I wanted to take my wet suit off then and there but I just couldn’t find it in me to let go. SO I took it off in the changing room and forgot my dry clothes which inevitably forced me to go out baring it all ready or not! I was absolutely A-Ok and no one was even there to witness my rush to find each of article of clothing.
I walked home so slowly, very aware of each limb, and so happy to have finally got myself back in the water. I spent the next day also sore and did absolutely nothing but resting and eating healthy foods.
I love my body and am very grateful for the places my legs and feet have taken me.
Until next time.