Days 8-14 of 30 Total Fail

 You might have noticed my lack of posting for the past week and I would like to officially announce that I have failed this challenge. Partially because I did not succeed at establishing a guideline as to what this challenge required in the first place, and the latter half being that I have gotten distracted and not really given it enough thought.

I am somewhat disappointed in myself, but I also see this as a simple trial and error in a long journey that is bound to have many mistakes. Those failures enable me to build upon them and set a clearer path as for the do’s and the don’ts.

The most important don’t being, don’t stop writing. If I stop writing then I cut short the circuit of momentum that I have been striving to build upon and then I have to start all over again. So it’s better to keep writing even when you have no idea what you are really writing about.

For the past week I’ve kept to myself more. I have been doing a lot of self reflection, figuratively and literally.

On the weekend, my partner and I went to the island for two nights to visit family. We saw orcas on the small ferry to the island then we went for a hike before going to dinner and then out for a jam, where the boys played fantastic live music while I drew and doodled on blank printing paper while watching the sunset over the bay.

The next day my partner and I hiked around the island some more in different areas and at one point we were walking along the ocean side getting pretty heated up so I let loose and  took some layers off to cool down, leaving me in a bra and blue jeans. It was just me and not my partner. It felt rather comfortable being that it was a pretty secluded place  and no one that I was going to run into here would have a problem. And then the most awkward thing happened and this older couple comes hiking on up right to the log I was sitting on and walks right on by super friendly. “Hows it goin? No complaints eh?” I felt pretty naked then and would have blushed if it weren’t for the wind picking up. I grabbed my shirt and threw it back on only to come back to see the couple taking off all their clothes and swimming in the ocean!!! It was just me that felt uncomfortable, it was all in my head. Maybe if it was warmer I would have taken a dip, but lets not push it.

I got back on the 11th and instead of writing about my journey I started into an endless mess of trying to downsize my belongings. I have been doing some dabbling into minimalism and I see how beautiful a simple home can be and wish that I was more organized and less of an emotional hoarder. I feel like these needless belongings are weighing me down. The more I let go of the lighter I feel.

In a way this is also a liberation from materialism and feeling the need to hold onto the past, a memory that is signified within the appearance of items. If you love it, but you don’t need it or cant use it anymore, take a picture, or scan it, then let it go.

I have ripped everything out of my walk-in closet where most of my clothes are, as well as my bathroom, and now I am getting to the kitchen right after I make space in my storage room downstairs. I have boxes everywhere and my goal is to fill up boxes with things to sell, get rid of, or put into storage.

I have way too many books, so I will be walking around town for places I can drop mine off into.

I could do an entire challenge on getting rid of one thing a day and I am debating now whether I should stop what I was trying to do, do something else, and save it for later.

I would like to keep pushing my body out of my comfort zone, but Im not sure what that means. I think going to yoga, going swimming, going to a belly dancing class, going running outside, wearing clothes you usually wouldn’t wear,or wearing less clothes than you would usually wear, or walking around naked in your own home, or simply dancing are all great things to do in order to feel more comfortable with your body and breaking the barriers. The problem for me is that I haven’t developed a set rule as to what I should do and how much of it I need to be doing in order to accomplish the development of a healthy habit.

So I will conclude today’s post, my approach needs more thought and diligence.

I see these post and challenges as parts of a larger project I am going to be working on for the next year. This month would include my failure to write, my struggles against myself, and to make a statement or thesis for each challenge.

I will either keep going and try to figure out exactly what I should be doing or I will start over and do something a bit different.

All thoughts are welcome

Much Love

 

 

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