I am learning what a luxury it is to be able to “take your time” and that’s not the only thing I’ve caught on to. Hello again world, how has life been treating you? I know it has been some time since I was actively writing and sharing my thoughts with the public, it’s so easy to live without taking pauses for self reflection. That is what I have been doing for the past 6 months, moving without stopping, at least, that is how it has felt.
Let’s catch up, shall we? My last post was September 13th, so about 8 months ago, I
was unemployed, living off the money I had saved up while working, selling dreamcatchers, living at my apartment (owned by my mother) in downtown Vancouver and to be honest, I really had no clue what I was going to do with my life. I had lots of ideas, but no way to execute any of them. Then something happened, my mother was laid off her job.
Up until then I was not paying rent and my mother was helping me pursue my career as an artist. In the back of my mind, I knew I had to do it on my own, so when she was laid off I knew it was time for me to cut the cord. Everything happened very quickly after that. One of my first friends from Canada had moved to the same city as me and needed a place to live. SO bada bing bada boom we set the date for November and she moved in as I moved out. We actually had a week where we lived together, with all my things packed up and all her things being unpacked. It was perfect.
The hard part was telling my partner that I needed to move out of Vancouver. We had lived there for four years and he was just beginning to really enjoy the city, but I needed to do this on my own. Being the supportive partner he is, he understood that this was something I had been wanting to do for a long time so when it came down to it we would make it work one way or another.
My most generous mother had already left me with the mini van that I had used for summer road trips across the islands and debated living in the entire time, and still to this day. SO I called my family friends living on one of the Southern Gulf Islands and asked if I could rent out a room while their youngest was away at college. They said “Of course!” and I used the rest of my money to pay 3 months rent so when I arrived to the island all I would have to worry about was getting a job.
The first two weeks I used to get settled, and then I did something else drastic, I quit smoking the sacred herb. Most people are aware that I have been
smoking cannabis for some time now, but I usually kept it on the down low. Growing up with a military brat as a mother and an all American family I was always terrified of getting caught being “a stoner”, but still did it anyways. It began when I was in high school where it was more fun seeing what I could get away with, and of course the euphoric effects seemed to calm down a lot of the anxiety I was dealing with at the time. Actually when I think back to it, THC really helped me out of the days of anxiety attacks and hormonal imbalances.
But it is obvious really, anything can become an addiction if we let ourselves fall into a relationship with something and not someONE. And clearly we cannot have healthy relationships with its’. Why am I describing an addiction as a relationship? Because we develop attachments to things, habits, and/or routines. We can grow to like someTHING so much that we want to be in a relationship with it. We want to have it in our lives all the time because we feel it gives us something we don’t already have. That void can be just about anything, maybe we feel like we aren’t as creative without it, or maybe we feel too lonely, or maybe it’s too painful to deal with and this is the only thing that will get you through it. Well I am here to say, no one’s going to save you from yourself. It can’t help you fill the void within yourself, only you can. You have to do it alone. You have to develop the relationship you have with yourself. That really terrifies people that aren’t ready to let go of their its’.
For example, I had accumulated so many clothes, shoes, and random knick-knacks that I held onto for years and years even after they no longer fit me or were completely worn down, why? I had attached a feeling or a memory to an it and fallen into a relationship with these things that I hoped would give me that same feeling that attached memory had given me before. Or if someone had given me something I held on to it because I felt like I should or it reminded me of them. But then I realized that these things don’t hold memories and feelings, only I do.
I should mention that when I was packing up my belongings to take to the island, I watched every youtube video, TED talk, and audiobook about minimizing what you own. The most useful out all of them was the Audio Book “The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing” By Marie Kondo. Not only did I greatly decrease the amount of clutter, I cleared my mind at the same time. As I went through all of my belongings I asked the question “Does this bring me joy?” it was later that I began to ask the same question from non materialistic things.
So by the time I was on the island settling into my room, I was ready to let go of another it that no longer brought me joy. As soon as I let it go I opened up a door that had been shut for a long time. I printed out my resume and dropped it off at the one store I could see myself doing really well at and a week later, I got the job. There was no looking back from there I starting meeting people and making contacts. I got contract photography work on the side. I starting feeling more and more energized and from there I kept the ball rolling.
By the end of November I had a job, I was smoke free, I still didn’t have my driver’s license and would have to ask for rides into town to get to work. My partner and I were traveling back and forth between Vancouver and the Island whenever we had the chance. And the longest winter was lurking behind the corner.
-To be Continued-
❤ Much Love