Does this make me a feminist? DAY 31 of 31

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I did it! I have successfully not worn make up for the entire month of March! When I first began this challenge I hadn’t the slightest clue just how much my life would change. For some reason I just woke up that day and thought to myself, I’m tired of feeling the need to wear this everyday and decided not to. Upon the second day, I decided to document my experience, so maybe I could inspire others to tell them they don’t have to either. TO my surprise I’ve had a total of 667 views from 271 visitors in the course of 31 days. I am so grateful to everyone that has read my words and reached out to tell me how they have enjoyed these posts and my act of bravery.

The first few days were the hardest to overcome the habit of checking myself in the mirror to make sure my face looked well enough for a public appearance.

The first week I felt like I was naked and I felt very vulnerable.

The second week I stopped checking myself before leaving the door and I had the most epiphanies hit me during this time. I learned that it wasn’t solely because we are living in a Patriarchal dark age that women have had to exploit themselves in order to be seen as well put, no instead I learned that within a patriarchal society, women have created a mindset that all women must act like a man in order to be taken seriously. This means appearing flawlessly, emotionlessly, and thickening our naturally soft skin. I also learned that it isn’t men who are putting most of the pressure on women, although they aren’t completely innocent of it either, the vast majority of pressure is coming from other women who have grown to believe that this mindset is what will help you get further in life. The thing is that no matter how far it gets a women, closing ones heart and hiding ones inherent tenderness only damages us more .

I am not sure if I ever understood feminism properly. I know that there are some seriously wrong connotations to the word. Many think of feminist as bra burning women that hate men, but it is actually a movement within many movements towards equal rights for every gender, race, and sexuality. I’ve just always had a problem with the literal word Feminism deriving from Feminine. I am not trying to say I don’t agree with many self proclaimed Feminist, but there are many tactics that don’t seem to be moving us human beings in the right way. It isn’t the intention that is stopping us, it’s the judgement of others. So many great women of our time are overly compensating their fragility with straight aggression. Women are rejecting their emotions because they don’t understand how to use them to their advantage. Women aren’t embracing their true selves anymore because it has become too confusing in a world where we are aesthetically bombarded with this built up image of what a women should be seen as. The worst part about all of this I have learned, is that women truly believe this idea and look down on other women who don’t meet the standard issue.

This may be controversial but I have to say it. Women and Men are not equal and we never will be. Why is that? Well we are both wired differently. Now there are definitely many exceptions to this rule that are being seen now more than ever. Some women are born and they are wired like a man and some men are born and they are wired like a women. Some women have more Yang and some men more Yin. My point here is we are not meant to behave like we are wired in ways that we are not. If you feel like you have to bury your feelings deep down because all the men at work will treat you differently, well then you are only hindering our progress out of patriarchy.

I  know this could be a hot topic for discussion and I do have much more to say about it, but to finish off; Week 2 I walked out of my job, because I learned that if people aren’t going to respect me, Im not going to change myself to try and earn that respect.

On the third week I had a surge of empowering energy and I went to Nevada for nine days to soak in more vitamin D then I had taken in for a long time. I also experienced how to love my skin while breaking out in heat rashes and overcoming mild discomfort from a crackling chin.

Week 4 I had my ups and downs after getting back from sunshine into rainy days again and breaking out more than usual. I still managed to get out and about without being totally aware of my facial nudity.

Week 5 the sun came back and I have had time to sit back and enjoy the blissfulness of little worries. I’ve released a lot of negativity and realized that I am going to stay here in this city for awhile longer. I’m not afraid of going out without makeup on anymore and I’ve liberated myself from many mindsets that have held me back from participation.

I truly hope that someone who has read about my journey will find it in themselves to release their skin from habitual coverage and embark on this wonderful path towards liberation.

Much Love

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Is veganism bad for my hair? (Day 26 of 31)

 It is time for a haircut. Today I had a lazy day to myself doing basically nothing but eating and watching hours of anime. I have been really making an effort to only shampoo my hair every other day, but its definitely not easy for me. I am getting to the point with my hair that it is just a mop on my head without any style and I believe my last hair cut was now five months ago. SO it’s well overdue. It felt really good to cut it short last year and I’ve been wanting to grow it out because I missed my long hair, but I don’t really know if I have what it takes to take care of long hair anymore.

I tried to use the dry shampoo today before I took a photo of myself, but my head just itches a lot now and I pulled it back and took it down and pulled it back again.

Ahhhhhhh it drives me crazy!!!

The creases in my forehead are really annoying me today too. It’s just one of those days where I just want to crawl out of my skin. That probably doesn’t seem very positive at all, but I think that I should be honest and acknowledge these feelings. The sun doesn’t shine out of my you know what.

So tomorrow I will be going to get a hair cut and I will decide just how much I’ll be taking off when I get there. Usually I would get my brows dyed and waxed as well, but I think that would be going against the challenge as it is an unnatural way of making myself feel better about my appearance.

It’s been about two years now since I last dyed my hair and since then, it has completely grown out and much darker than ever before. I was born with white hair and because I grew up in the desert it stayed that way for the majority of my childhood before easing into a light blonde. It wasn’t until I moved into a much colder climate that I lost the colour in my skin and the vitamin D in my hair.

The first time I ever dyed my hair, I was in 7th grade and I got highlights and a new part, which I’ve basically stuck with since than. Now that I’ve compulsively scratched my head and finger combed my hair I have thinner spots on my head than others. I think I will discuss this with my hairdresser and we can aim for something different. It’s time for something fresh, it is spring.

If any one knows of any supplements they’ve used or heard about I would definitely be interested in looking into it more.  What I eat really ties into the health of my hair and skin and nails. Although I’ve always had thin hair and thin nails and oily skin, being a vegan means I have to eat a lot more food in order to get the amounts of vitamins and minerals my body needs to maintain overall health.

There are many different things you can eat as a vegan and it’s just as easy now to get away with eating things besides fruits and vegetables. When I first started being a vegan I wanted to be a raw vegan and I ate an abundant amount of fruit and vegetables, but after feeling like such an oddball and never being able to eat anywhere, I slowly started to lean more on starches like potatoes and rice and eventually I’ve gone back to a majority cooked food lifestyle. Because of this I’ve felt like I’ve been lacking in vitamins and minerals and I am dire need of a salad. Maybe I just need to live somewhere tropical, but yesterday I bought a bunch of fresh ingredients to make green juices in the morning and I have decided that for the month of April I will be doing a 30 day whole food challenge.

 I think that it could really benefit tying these two things together and I will continue to post on this blog as I believe that this too is apart of the Skin Liberation.

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Yep

Much Love

Did I fail? (Day 25 of 31)

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Well today is my 25th day not wearing makeup and last night… I broke my streak by rubbing tons of foundation and self tanning lotion all over my body. I told myself it wasn’t that bad because I wasn’t putting it on my face, but when I woke up I was so relieved it was just a dream. Gottcha ya.

For the past few days now I feel like I have gone back to the first week of this challenge and I feel myself picking and prodding at the skin on my face. I am now debating whether or not I should carry out this challenge for an extra week to make up for the week without any post. Not only did I fail to post some thoughts and photos from each day, but I have noticed myself taking more photos to find a decent one that I am pleased with. It could be that for the first half of this challenge I didn’t have to deal with many breakouts and now that my skin has undergone some weird rashes, peeling, and breakouts I am actually having to face this challenge head on.

 When I began this journey I wanted to be completely honest throughout, but I feel I have failed to truly accept my flaws. I really did not want to pick at my skin and yet I mindlessly went to town on my face. I do not want this challenge to end and to end up resorting back to make up again to feel comfortable in my skin. I truly love my skin and I am sorry for abusing it.

 Maybe this seems like a bit of a melodramatic post, but I am committed to overcoming these habitual thoughts and reactions I have when closely observing my pores.

A couple years ago I picked a pimple located in between my brows too the point of eventual scarring and the huge crater I had dug in my face made me feel miserable. I was so angry at myself for letting it go so far and I looked up different ways to fix it on the internet for weeks. I tried scrubbing it down and lightening it up with natural remedies, but nothing worked and it is still there. In fact that crater lead me to my first real wrinkle.

I have always been a person to scowl as I ponder, and to make matters worse I have always been someone to ponder since I was a child. It’s not like I am doing it intentionally, but it is just a part of who I am. These features we adapt are all apart of life and one day I will be nothing BUT a face of deepened lines.

The truth is that as we get older we only get better at being who we are and what we have tried to hid for so long inevitably engraves itself into our flesh for the world to see. So if you were someone to scowl often then surely the lines will speak for you between your brows; just as if you were one to smile often then the lines between your cheeks and lips will speak for you. It is not a bad thing whatsoever it’s just apart of becoming who you were always meant to be.

Sure it is easy to say these things, and I do believe them, but to live them day by day is the challenge I am trying to overcome. Just writing this makes me feel better now, but I want to push myself to really accept these changes in myself.

No matter how much make up I wear, or moisturizers I use, or how healthy I am, I will never been in control of the changes my body will undergo and that is what I need to let go of most. WE cannot control our image the way we wish too.

For many people they will go through extreme measures to try and maintain this control over their own bodies. They will cut themselves up to be skinnier, or to have bigger breast, or to have bigger eyes, or they will inject themselves with different serums to have bigger butts, bigger lips, or repeatedly inject their faces to try to hide the fact that life  happens.

So what is making it so hard to realize that change is inevitable? Why is it so hard to let go of the control we all wish to have over our appearance? I’m not saying that we should all let ourselves go and not give a shit about our bodies, I’m just trying to state the point that no matter what efforts we make we cannot control the effects of time and we cannot control the natural cycle of life. Our bodies, especially those of woman, were made to change many times throughout a lifespan. So why do these changes become flaws, when in reality they are validations of our perfection?

More to come on this later. Please leave any thoughts, reflections, or reactions, if you wish to do so. 

Much Love

Day 23 of 31

 Well my skin is really bothering me today. Throughout this challenge I have done my best to not pick at my skin, but today I went at it. Upon waking my entire chin and lower lip was peeling and flaking off. I have some breakouts along that area now, as well as my forehead. I took a shower and scrub my skin with a soft loofa and lots of soap. Then I used a toner and this time it really burnt my skin. Then I tried putting moisturizer on which also hurt at first. Blegh. I’ve never really been able to rid my pores of black heads from my nose, and if anyone has any tips or ticks as to how I could get those puppies gone for good that’d be great.

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So today I am feeling pretty blah. I still don’t want to wear make up, but my eyebrows have grown out and are starting to return to their natural translucent state. I’m starting to notice myself thinking about what it will feel like to wear make up again and I really don’t want to use foundation as much I just want to have eyebrows and eyelashes that aren’t invisible.

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This morning I ripped out all my makeup from my bathroom drawers and it is ridiculous how much I actually have. So today I am spring cleaning and letting go of all these old products I no longer use nor need. I will be keeping my all natural all vegan cruelty free products, but thats it. I don’t want to put chemicals on my skin ever again. Once I have cleaned out my shelves, and lightened my load, I would like to create my own all natural skin products.

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Almond, Oatmeal, Flaxseed, Coconut oil Face Scrub

I love my skin, I love my skin, I love my skin…

 

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How my skin feels

Much Love

Days 15, 16, 17 of 31

 I thought I lost this post but found it in my drafts today. This is from my trip when I was trying to post from my phone but after continued attempts to post, failed and gave up.

It has not been easy to find time to write for each day since I have arrived here in Nevada. Last night I wrote 500 words and then lost the entire post. I gave up and went to sleep.

So far I’ve had a wonderful trip. The first full day we were here, my partner and I packed up for a trip to Red Rock Canyon.

When I was a quarter of the size I am now, I would walk barefoot out into the desert with a line of horses following me. I might be a weird one to most humans, but I fit right in with the creatures and the horses, and goats, snakes, lizards, and toads accepted me as one of their own. And so I was called “Nature girl”.

It only felt natural to me to go barefoot again. I believe it’s been coined as “Earthing” but our feet weren’t made for shoes. So I liberated the skin of my feet for the day.

All of the tourist looked at me like I was crazy. When a man asked me why I was choosing to forgo footwear I simply said it feels great and he laughed saying “I’d like to see your feet in half an hour”. But half an hour later I climbed up to the top of the boulders and ate some dried fruit and apples with my partner as we took in the view of the valley.

Because we only took carry ons I had to leave my moisturizers and skin creams at home, I must admit, I do miss them.

My skin broke out on the 16th into tiny bumps around my eyes. It might have happened before, but I can’t really remember. I think it must be some type of heat rash. I don’t have a photo to show you, but as I rubbed on coconut oil I repeated to myself, I love my skin, I love my skin, I love my skin.

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Yesterday we went to Death Valley and after applying a fair amount of SPF 30 I also wore a large hat and the kind of sunglasses that one might wear after having major eye surgery.
The bumps have gone down a lot now, but they are still there and I am just riding it out for now.

After living in Canada for almost ten years now, my skin has become much more sensitive to the sun. And I blame Vancouver’s constant overcast for my overtly sensitive eyes.
For the past couple days I have not used any shampoo in my hair and it feels like a thick dry mess now. It isn’t as greasy though so maybe my hair is learning?

The water is much harder here and I can feel my skin tightening as I dry off from quick rinses. Luckily my grandmother is well equip for the conditions and I have a bottle of lotion with me everywhere I go.

The family is awake now so I’m off to play.
Thank you skin for your strength and endurance, we are in this together for the long run!

Days 14 and 15 of 31

” Be the change you wish to see in the world.” -Gandhi

 

Well summer has come early this year, and my partner and I have arrived safe and sound in the sunny state of Nevada. Traveling was effortless due the the fact we only brought a carry on, plus one handy camera backpack. We did however get lost in the Las Vegas airport, I could blame all the flashing lights and ringing slot machines, but honestly I probably should have called my grandmother before mindlessly hopping on one of the two trains to terminals.

Of course we went the wrong way and my only aim was to get outside.

Walking through the airport felt like walking through an endless TV commercial,buy this, see this, do this! Automatically I separate myself from being a consumer to being an observer. Then everything becomes clear.

Instead of the glitter and glam everything is built up to appear as, I can’t help but notice the unsatisfied hunger in the slack eyes of slumped bodies hanging over machines promising a better chance next time. No one is smiling here, yet they unable to pull their eyes away from the slots. The senses are overwhelmed  here and it iseems just all too easy too lose yourself , to your money, and to lose touch with the world around you. But enough of that.

As soon as my grandparents found us outside, all of the sounds and sights gently faded into the background. Its easy to forget who you are, but a good place to start can always be, who do you come from?

 Upon greeting me, my grandma touched the skin of my bare face and for a second I completely forgot about the fact I’ve been talking about my face for two weeks now. Grandma kicked Grandpa out of the drivers seat and the boys caught up in the back as Grandma took the reins and proceeded to “grill” me. But it was just the opposite. She told me how I had been inspiration enough for her to forgo dying and cutting her hair upon our arrivalives and I was very flattered to have encouraged this powerful act of self acceptance. It is one thing to inspire friends and friends of friends of friends, but to be able to inspire those that have inspired you is a very gratifying experience.

I’d like to keep going and talk about the incredible day I had yesterday, but I’d rather enjoy my time outside then keep trying to type on this borrowed ipad that I have no skill of using.

So my message to you today is to look beyond the reflection in the mirror, try to understand that the identity you hold onto is not necessarily as easily captured through the lens of any camera as it is portrayed through the eyes of another. Who are you, without what you appear be?

 

 

Day 13 of 31

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WELL today I am off to Nevada for a 9 day trip with my family! I am so excited to bask in the warmth and soak up all that vitamin D! I am not sure how I will be posting for each day, but I have my journals, so if all else fails there will just be a lot of catching up to do.

My Grandma and Grandpa are picking up my boyfriend and I from Las Vegas and then we will be driving an hour out or so into the quiet areas of the desert. I grew up in the sand and the smell of it brings back many of best childhood memories.

I have my journal, a couple books, “The Untethered Soul” as well as one on “Lucid Dreaming”. I am also bringing my new camera and although I could attach a tripod to the bottom of my camera bag I’d rather travel as lightly as possible.

 I did not have to pack any products what so ever besides a toothbrush, a comb, and lip balm!

Hopefully I will be able to keep posting daily, but I have a feeling that its not going to be easy and family time comes first.

There will be a few days spent on the strip and I know that I wont be painting my face, but really I feel so free right now that I just don’t feel worried at all.  Maybe it only takes two weeks to liberate your skin, in which case I would like to invite anyone that feels brave enough to go two weeks without any makeup and write at least one paragraph a day about how it feels, inside and out.

Know that you are all extraordinary beings full of light and love, so shine on.

I will be back in Vancouver on the 22nd.

Peace and Love